5:32 p.m. - 2004-10-05
bitchslap
Boy oh boy, two blog entries in less than 24 hours. I'm officially back on the scene.
So, Catherine brings up an interesting point in her blog...she locked her keys in her car, and many, MANY passers-by inquired about her situation and when she (I bet in an outwardly friendly, but inwardly hateful way) told them, the replied "Now, why would you do a thing like that?" I just don't get that. Honestly. What are they even saying? I'm sure each of them had a goofy grin on their face and probably felt that they were somehow lightening the mood. I mean, I am really trying to figure out why I get so...baffled, irritated, superiority complexish, haughty and annoyed when people do things like that. I think they are "just trying to be nice." I feel like somehow, my comment receptors in my brain should be beeping and flashing and saying "Hey! This person is being nice ot you!" Instead, my cynical, weathered receptors yawn and nudge me and say "This person is an idiot."
Is this my fault? Seriously. Am I a jerk? Maybe that is the problem. But I just don't understand when people do that weird head tilt thing where they look at you, sort of like a bird would look, curiously, as though they find you interesting like a piece of string for their nest or something...and then the "clever" comment comes out. I don't know how to get the word out to the general population that there are a small number of us, that though this sort of comment is MEANT to be nice...it is received in such a way that makes us want to...oh, I don't know...bitchslap the person who said it.
Somehow wanting to bitchslap (is that one word or two? Ooh, I hope it's one...when else do you have the letters tchsl together in one word??) anything seems rude, bad, sinful, hateful...etc. That makes me want to....what? Feel bad about how I am? Maybe...but even if I do, I'm not sure how to change that. What IS that part of me...of us...some of us, anyway? It feels kind of like pride....
I feel like I'm somewhere between the people who actually DO the bitchslapping, and the people like my grandma, who would chuckle in a friendly, gentle way and just generally be nice to the person and feel like they were being nice to her. NICE was enough for her.
Maybe that's it. Nice isn't enough for me, and maybe it's not even what I'm looking for. What is nice, anyway? People acting in a way that they THINK will make other people like them. I think that's what we all do. But the difference is...whether this is actually true or not, I kind of feel confident that I can DETECT the kind of person that I can and should say "Oh why would you do a thing like that?" to...and the people I should say "Dude, that sucks." to and the people I should say "Oh, I'm sorry is there anything I can do to help?" to and the people I should just ignore because they want to bitchslap anyone who comes near them, they are so pissed off a themselves for locking the keys in the car.
Maybe that's it. Maybe there are people who think that the way they act toward people is great, and fine and works well toward everyone and so they say the same sort of thing to everyone...Then there are people (like me) who try to anticipate what other people need (whether they know it or not) or perhaps what they want or what they're expecting and adjust accordingly...and then there are people who just don't give a flying you know what and could care less what anyone thinks of them.
Who knows. I'm tired of trying to figure it out this afternoon. But the other option is to unpack a bunch of boxes. Hmmm.
Should nice be enough? Once, I was talking to Collin and I was making some of these sorts of comments about someone, whose actions just don't make any sense to me, and he asked me something like "What do you think her intent is in her actions?" The intent was to be nice. But I am wondering how we all got into valuing niceness so much. I mean, why do people assume that niceness is the most important thing? I kind of think it's more valuable to be original and genuine than it is to be nice.
I can think of a lot of nice people that I don't especially respect. And i can think of some people who are kind of standoffish or aloof or distant that do kind of frustrate me, but I do respect. And once they are their version of "nice" I feel like I've earned it or something....somehow that feels more valuable.
But then again, there's kindness. For example, if someone stopped and offered to help me when I had locked my keys in the car...now, that, I would value and appreciate, and would feel kind of uplifted by. Is kindness different than niceness? Maybe I'm making up my own definitions here.
I think sometimes when you're feeling out of sorts or insecure or something, then, even straight up niceness can be appreciated. Maybe. But I think I'd rather have someone come over to me and sort of sidle up to me and make some snide comment about whatever is making me feel out of sorts or insecure or whatever...now THAT would be so much more comforting than your normal average niceities. But then again, that's sort of requiring people to read my mind, which I DO value...oh how I love not having to explain myself. And that seems terribly selfish and unreasonable to require...but I do love it when it happens.
OK...enough of my psycho-socio-philo babble.
