11:18 a.m. - 2004-05-07
is it mayonaise or isn't it
If you know anything about me, you shoudl know that I hate mayonaise. I hate eating it, smelling it, seeing it, and especially watching other people eat it. It always squirts out in a big glob on the table or plate or corner of their mouth. Yuck. The strange thing (I know, call me Princess Inconsistent) is that I can handle it just fine in things like chicken salad or tuna salad....if it's well mixed and the texture is more chunky than gloopy, everything is fine.
Why has this come up, you ask? Well, I am eating a falaffal pita wrap and halfway through, I have become suspicious that there may be mayonaise on this lunch item. It could be slightly melty cheese of some sort, but it also could be mayonaise. This is incredibly disturbing. See, the thing is, I guess I should simply be concerned about whether I am enjoying the pita wrap. If I am, who cares if it's mayonaise? But see, my enjoyment is SERIOUSLY affected by whether I think it's mayonaise or not. If I imagine it being mayonaise, I get sort of sick....but if I say to myself "mmm, delicious melty cheese, mmm." Then it's fine. But I don't like the idea of deluding myself in order to finish my lunch. The really depressing part is that this has happened to me at least ten times in my life. Is it mayonaise or not...is it mayonaise or not.
I'm raising this issue, because maybe if this is a prevalent enough of a problem, they really should start training people as mayonaise detectors...I mean I would pay a few bucks for someone to tell me with absolute certainty what I'm ingesting...maybe they could use dogs instead of people, but that's kind of gross to have a dog lick your sandwhich or whatever...I guess it would be gross to have some stranger do that, too, even if they were human...perhaps my boyfriend who likes to invent weird and brilliant things could make me a devise that could make this determination for me. It would need to fit in my purse and match my cell phone.
