9:32 a.m. - 2004-01-23
cat in a hat
So last night I went out to meet some friends (MIchele, Renea) for dinner which was lovely, and then went on to meet my friend David at a bar. For some reason, that whole day, I had been fretting about my outfit. I can't explain it, I just hated it. SO, on the way to dinner, before I met Renea and Michele I decided to pop into The Redlight, a store on Broadway, to see if I coudl find a scarf or something to make me feel better about this outfit that was causing me to have a bad day. So I shopped around a little before settling, rather impulsively on this hat. Now, if you know anything about me and hats, you would know that I simply shouldn't wear them. I pretty much always feel awkward in them, and believe me, I have tried every style imaginable.
I probably own ten hats, and I hate all of them.
So, I bought the hat, it's one of those cute black ones with a little brim....sort of mushroom shaped....I don't know what it's called. Let's just say that it would look fine on most people. SO I decide hell with it, I'm buying it....I plunk it onto my head, and take off my belt, because I have decided that is what I really hated about the outfit in the first place, and take off down the street, deciding to believe I look really hot in my hat. Renea and Michele react appropriately, giving props to the hat. I feel good. I take it off during dinner, and when I leave, I put it back on. I head over to Barca, the bar David and I are supposed to meet at. I situate myself at a little table and get a beer. I notice that there are people coming down from the balcony wearing name tags and two women walk by me saying "I call dibs" "No, I do." Hmm....wonder what's going on. The cocktail waitress comes over and I inquire. She informs me that it's a session of "8-minute dating." According to her, you sign up online and then go to a "party" usually held at a bar and the ladies sit in a circle at a big table and the guys rotate around every 8 minutes.....so I guess you're supposed to decide in 8 minutes if you can have children with the person, and if not you move them along and cross them off your list. Now I get it; that's why there are so many unattractive middle aged women with bad haircuts here. I look across the room and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Agh! I look ridiculous in this hat! THis is NOT the look I was going for...as is the case with any hat I wear, my hair is poofing out on the sides and realy just looks silly. I make a break for the bathroom. By the grace of God, Barca has individual bathroom stalls with mirrors, so I lock myself in and start messing with my hair and this stupid hat that I now hate. I decide to pull part of my hair up and back out of the way, so it doesn't look quite so crazy, puffing out everywhere. After ten minutes of "fixing" it, I decide I look fine, and that I'm just being overly insecure about it. I go back out and sit....David is VERY late. One of the bartenders I know goes by...and totally IGNORES me. Oh no, I'm sure it's the hat. He thinks I look ridiculous. But now I've messed with my hair way too much to take it off...I'll just have to live with it. I call David, and he doesn't answer. Sigh. I order another beer. the phone rings and david's number pops up. Apparently he and our other friend, Shawn got "distracted" at another bar. It doesn't seem that they will be joining me any time soon. Now I'm in a bar, alone, with a ridiculous hat. It's one thing to arrive at a bar alone....as long as you are joined by others at some point, there is no problem...you were just early. But now, I am, from the perspective of the standard observer, a desperate single woman, alone in a bar drinking beer while wearing a ridiculous hat! It's all the hat's fault. If only I were a hat person....So, I finished my beer and went home. Now it has become a battle. I have worn the hat to work today in an attempt to prove to it or myself or the world that I can, in fact, wear hats. "It's no big deal" I said to myself 8 times this morning. No one will even notice...everyone wears hats. In fact I saw a girl waiting for the bus wearing a very simlar hat on the way to work. I come in the office and the first co-worker I encounter says "Ooh, she's wearing a hat today!" You know when you are referred to in the third person by a middle aged woman, that something just isn't quite right. I fake a smile and kind of shrug, hoping it comes off as "OH, this old thing, I just threw it on this morning. No big deal." She smiles and gives me a thumbs up. Ugh. One second later, my boss comes around the corner and goes "Wow, Jessi! Hey, a hat! Man, it looks like....(enter awkward dance movement that seems to indicate "party")....like british or something."
This is not going well. OK. I'm going to the coffee shop, where the cute boy works. If anything awful happens, I'll let you know.
