8:33 a.m. - 2007-01-30
thoughts on online dating
Every now and again, it comes up in conversation that I met my husband online. Via match.com
And when it does, one of two things happen. If the person I'm talking to is married, they usually look briefly uncomfortable, and then quickly try not to, and then talk about some friend they have who is single who has considered doing the online dating thing but is too afraid. If they are single, they get this odd look which is a mix of hope and an expression of sizing me up, deciding if I am "normal" enough for me to be a reason for them to try it themselves. Like they are thinking "well, if she did it, maybe it's ok."
This has been coming up with unsual frequency lately, so...Here is my press release and public statement on online dating:
It's just like regular dating. What that means is that it might be fun or creepy or surprisingly pleasant or horrifically awful or boring or disappointing or so hilarious that it will produce blog worthy story-telling for years to come. Just like regular dating. The only difference is that you get to be a little more involved in the process, instead of dressing up every sunday when you go to church hoping jesus will send you a nice boy who likes good music and dogs or a girl who is cute without spending six hours on her hair and doesn't think your love of video games goes into the "cons" column. Online dating is not for the faint of heart. It is for those who are brave, can make a good impression and can have a sense of humor about the whole thing.
If you feel stuck and bored and tired of waiting around for someone to pop into you life, I would encourage you to consider this as an option. There are some people who would never do this. It is just not their style. That's fine. Don't try to be something that just doesn't fit you. But if you are one of those people, sitting around, waiting, with growing frustration, I would encourage you to put yourself out there with an open mind and not a lot of expectations. Think of it as acquiring a new hobby. That's how I approached it and I met some new people, had some fun dates and some boring dates and after about a month I ended up with the best person I can imagine being with. I think that we Christian people have some odd hang ups about this because we feel like we're not trusting God if we go ahead and take such a bold step, especially if we're a girl because boys are supposed to notice us and make the first move, right?
Some people probably find this entry boring, but too bad - it's my blog. But I know for sure from the conversations I've had, that this is on people's minds. I guess I just want people to feel ok about it if it's something they want to do. I don't know why there is this embarrasing stigma to putting yourself out there. Like "Oh, she had to go ONLINE to find someone....how desperate." See, if that's what you're afraid of, consider my situation: I definitely don't care if that is what people think...for one thing, when I look at my husband and consider our relationship, i just can't believe no one grabbed him off the market before I got to him. If I could have seen the future and known how great he is, I would have done something...anything...far more embarrasing to have ensured I would end up with him. The way I see it, going out with a few mediocre dudes, eating some food and seeing some movies....small price to pay. And I had fun on those dates anyhow, even if they weren't a love connection.
If this whole thing is a little too techy for you, think of it this way: It's just a way of letting the masses know you are out there and available. It's like a more involved version of the dot that hindu women in India wear.
I had my own reservations at the beginning, mostly because I was afraid of what people would say to me and what they would think. But then a very attractive, normal, fun, smart, cool friend of mine shared with me that she had been doing that herself and having a blast. It suddenly made it ok, and helped me realize the only reason I didn't want to was because of my fear that people would think bad things about me. Maybe one of you or someone you know needed someone to say that. I'm sayin' it.
If you want my more involved thoughts on the ins and outs of online dating and why match.com is infinitely better than eHarmony, email me.
