4:59 p.m. - 2004-08-25
blast from the past
Let's play a game. It's called "Guess what I'm thinking of..."
The thing I am thinking of involves spending an exhorbant amount of money. It also involves pain. And it is also a tremendous waste of time that could be spent doing other things like catching up with old friends, which I'll tell you about later. What am I thinking of...
GOING TO THE DENTIST.
Yes, I finally did it. After three years. Can I just whine for a little bit about how much I hate going to the dentist? First of all, there's all the questions. There is the 9 page form you have to fill out. There is waiting in the room with all of the Highlights magazines that are no longer a delight to find (that should have ended when you were about 7, at which point, you should have moved on to looking at the pictures in National Geographic and worrying about the world, until you were about 12, at which point you moved on in mock sophistication, looking at the magazines your older sisters or mom read, and tried to figure out what exactly they meant by words like stretch marks, orgasm, waxing, love handles and crow's feet. If anyone is unclear on these terms, just email Michele. She knows everything. And it's fun to make her blush.
Anyway, so back to the dentist. After the form filling out and the waiting, you have the poking, the prodding and the scraping. And don't forget the X-raying, where you imagine how many brain cells you're donating to the atmosphere as they take pictures of your teeth which they will develop into translucent pictures which they will point at and murmur about. The scraping is horrible. Horrendous. Torturous. I know if you go to the dentist more often, you have less scraping, but it's a fine art of balancing the scraping with the fee extraction and the waiting. A delicate balance indeed. You practically need a calculator for it. Then, after all of that, they always deliver the awful news in bright, chipper form that you will have to schedule another appointment so they can really get down and dirty in there. More scraping, drilling, filling, the works. I got the wonderful announcement that my fillings are now all around 15 years old, and so, joy of joys, they will need to be replaced. And don't forget the two small cavities forming in between two of my molars. That's two MORE appointments. One for cavities, and one for replacing the fillings. Oh, and apparently I clench my jaw in my sleep. You know what Dr. Lee's advice was: Don't do that.
I'm serious. He just said "You'll have to stop doing that." The achingly obvious question is how the hell am I supposed to stop doing something that I do while I'm unconscious??? He said it's stress related and I should reduce my stress levels. Hmm, ok. I'll tell people in general to stop stealing my car, have someone beam me straight to Michigan with a job waiting for me, and get someone else to take care of all of the little details of life like picking up my suit from Nordstroms, and going to dentist appointments for me and waiting on hold with the Seattle Police Station and the Seattle Municipal Court, who are trying ot make me pay for a ticket issued while the car was stolen and not in my custody. Seems simple enough. Oh dear.
Then I spit on him. OK, it was an accident, but a well timed one. Serendipitous, if you will. I didn't so much spit, as I "gleeked". Is everyone familiar with this term? I can't bring myself to explain it..ask in the guestbook if you're confused. It involves sort of involuntarily spitting.
So, I have to now come back for two more appointments. Delightful. Delicious. Delovely. And what I mean by that is...shit!
Onto other things. Today, I talked to my friend from elementary/middle school, Danielle. I called her mom, sort of on a whim, chatted with her a bit and then got through to Danielle. THat was nice to catch up. She is scheduled to visit here, and by here, I mean this blog....special shout out to Danielle, who I dedicate the song "I wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd, or perhaps "Girl, I'm gonna miss you" by Mili Vanilli or anything from New Kids on the Block....ah the old days.
That is all. All Skate.
