10:37 a.m. - 2008-11-27
turkey day
Blogging the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade...
I'm a little behind...I got up by 9 but I made Kevin breakfast...aren't I nice? Ok, so we're starting a little ways into the parade..I apologize.
9:40ish Apparently The LIttle Mermaid is a Broadway musical now. Whoa. Whoa. The mermaid outfit is MESSED UP. She has a dress, like normal for her legs, but the is a huge fin comign out of her ass. It is highly disturbing. And there is a gross-looking dancer wearing little but seashells over the place where her boobs should be but aren't because of that unfortunate anorexia thing professional dancers have to embrace.
9:50 The Rockettes actually bring a tear to my eye. Some of you probably can guess why that might have been.
9:52 Ooh, there is a commercial about a DVD with all of the Christmas Classics on it. Note to self - buy this for Kevin. Don't worry, he never reads my blog.
10:00am Another marching band. I hate when the girls use those fake rifles and have ugly uniforms usually involving some cowboy hat. I am probably biased in a horrible way because I went to school where the girls used ribbons and wore lycra suits, padded bras and fake eyelashes. Get some batons and lipstick, ladies.
10:02am James Taylor is singing to his family or something. He is good, as usual, but he is looking old.
10:05 Oh dear. A baton twirling group. And there are two boys. I mean, good for them. Coming out in high school takes guts. Maybe I shouldn't assume, but is there any good reason to think a straight young man would be caught dead wearing a bowtie and red velvet suit with white gloves while twirling a baton?
10:07 ANother marching band. The girls have flags. I guess that's good. And they are wearing gold mini skirts. Unfortunately, they are awful. Totally out of step. And they attempted a kick line. Look. When the Rockettes peform a few minutes ahead of you, DO NOT try to do a kickline.
10:10 Miley Cyrus. This is just bad and sad. Her face is annoying. The whole lip synching thing is just a shame. I understand they can't set up sound for a different group every five minutes. But. It's not exactly inspiring to see Hannah Montana in a coat and hat holding a microphone and swaying back and forth.
10:16 Shontelle, who I've never heard of, sings that T-shirt song. Ok, this is the best thing that happens so far. Kevin and I are lamenting that the song is inappropriate for this event. It's about the girl taking off her clothes and only wearing her boyfriends t-shirt. And then, right at the last note of the song, she ALMOST FALLS OFF THE DAMNED FLOAT!! She actual recovered pretty well and kind of laughed at herself. I rewinded it (beauty of TiVo) three times and we both laughed harder with each consecutive time.
10:20 Some infalatable Japanese cartoon or something goes by as does the Energizer Bunny.
10:24 THere is a cool group that does this complicated jump rope performance. Pretty original.
10:25 Sesame street. Wow some of those people are looking old. They are lip synching, too, of course, but the bad part is the guy PRETENDING to play piano, especially when there is a long piano solo. Awkward.
10:27 Another marching band. VERY bad use of lycra on the ladies this time. Kevin actually yells in disgust.
10:30 Hello Kitty. Hmm, what exactly IS Hello Kitty? Is it like a character? Is there some plot or story? Or does it just appear on fashion items?
10:31 OK, there are three young blonde whores in some group called Clique Girlz. They are on a princess float, lip synching a terible song. I am certain that if they are not already, they will be very popular with 8 year olds.
10:35 two brohters juggling pins.
10:36 Oh dear. The Mr. Peanut Nutmobile is extremely phallic. Kevin yells out loud again. I mean, it is basically a big penis going down Park Avenue in front of small children and grandmas.
10:40 Ronald McDonald is just creepy. I never understood what he was supposed to be anyone. Unfortunately Kevin and I agree that his car looks like a big red penis. Maybe we just have issues in this family.
10:42 There is a great dance school group that is mostly comprised of minorities. The one white girl really sticks out, but she's really good.
10:46 A Keith Herring float goes by. I always loved his stuff.
10:48 Meredith, the lady hostess who sits with Matt Lauer, yells while the camera is not on her and apparently almost gets hit with the Keith Herring float. Chaos insues.
10:50 A really boring marching band comes through. They have 4 girls in ugly outfits just taking off their silver sparkly hats and putting them back on and occasionally shuffling back and forth. The rest of the band just stands there so the camera guy have no choice but to hone in on the girls and the hats. We almost fall asleep.
10:51 I don't understand this. Some lady named India Menzel "sings" a very dramatic, passionate song while on a float with large figures of M & M's Sounds like a bad, scary dream.
10:54 Oh no. It's the commercial that always makes me cry. The Eat N' Park one where the little star can't get up to the top of the tree, so the tree beds down and picks it up. Sniff.
10:55 It's our good friend, Davis Archulleta. I have actually heard this song on the radio. It's kind of catchy. Classic American Idol thing where the winner is nowhere to be found by the runner up enjoys actual success.
10:52 There is some weird puppet float based on some kids' show I've never heard of. There is a "musical surprise" we're told to wait for. And....it's Rick Astley! Singing, I mean "singing" his late 80s one hit wonder "Give you Up" or "Never GOnna" or whatver it's called.
10:59 Large, disturbing bobble-head inflatables of Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain.
11:05 A marching band of old people. The instrument playing and marching part is great. But. There is something wrong about old men waving ribbons and such.
11:08 There is something equal parts creepy and sexy about an older man who sings country music, while wearing a black cowboy hat. I have no idea who he is though...Trace somebody?
11:09 Iroquoi dancers bring a message of peace and thaksgiving. That's nice. I wish my culture danced more...like not just when we're drunk. Think about it - when is the last time you danced without drinking? Wait, there is a bad joke about native Americans and alcoholism in there...which I will tastefully bypass.
11:15 Varsity Fan Club. The latest boy band, apparently. Oooh, they are pretty yummy in that gayish, stylish, non-masculine way that drives the pre-teen girls crazy.
11:20 I think someone could really do a world of good by revolutionizing marching band outfits.
11:23 The Briefcase Drill Team. Whoa. Old dudes in navy suits and red ties with briefcases. It looks like a cluster of President Bushes. They are not good at all.
11:25 Ashanti. She is lovely and a damned good singer, but I can never picture her or remember what she sings because I mix her up with that other r & B singer who died. Aleya? I feel like there is another attractive, talented, thin, young, black female r & b singer who goes by her first name which begins with an A.
11:35 Another young female singer wearing an off white coat. It started with Miley and it's gotten ridiculous. Meredith, the hostess is also wearing an off-white coat. Off-white is the coat color of the season, ladies.
11:36 Shrek inflatable.
11:40 Again with the big, weird looking girls and the rifles. But their outfits are kind of cool looking without being slutty/scary. Oh dear. I just saw the outline of some unfortunate young man's willy poking through is white white thite, tight pants.
11:45 A singer is wearing a red coat! Yay for diversity.
11:49 Ok, this is getting to be the end. The big Macy's Christmas float. With Kermit the Frog no less.
OK, since I backed up in Tivo, I know have to switch over to the National Dog show. Peace out, everyone. Happy THanksgiving.
