6:15 p.m. - 2008-11-23
camp reunion
Just got back from a lovely weekend in New York. Missy and I had a great time with the small exception of the monster snow storm that came through while we were on a remote mountainous route on the way there. Yuck.
We stayed with Haley and really enjoyed ourselves except for all of the times we walked in the wrong direction and added many unneccesary blocks to our city walking. We did illegal purse shopping in Chinatown and regular shopping SoHo. We had a nice meal in midtown Manhattan at a popular mexican restaurant with the best guacamole I have ever tasted.
We saw my friend Kelly for lunch and of course all of the Lohikanites. It was a blast to get together with so many old friends from camp. Former counselors and campers, alike. It is very weird to see people show up in a bar when you last saw them around the time that you taught them to do a proper backstroke in the pool when they were 10 years old or you put a band aid on their skinned knee.
It's funny because I always say that wealthy kids and poor kids are mostly the same - they just have different family problems. But...as I was thoroughly reminiscing, I realized that even with our 13 and 14 year olds...we just didn't ever have any discipline problems. No one ever, like, got in trouble or was rude to staff. No one ever got sent to the camp director or anything...I have no idea what the procedure was if someone was naughty. The kids just were good and if they didn't like something they pouted for about two seconds and moved on to something else. Sometimes they cried because they were homesick or didn't like going in the lake or something but there was never any attitude. I don't ever recall anyone saying "I hate this place."
I guess when your parents pay 10 grand for you to go to summer camp, getting sent home for being bad isn't a real option. They probably execute the kids that go that route.
These kids, now adults, all come from extremely wealthy families. Every one of them that I met finished college or is about to, and the ones that have work in challenging positions in healthcare or marketing or PR/promotions. I'm sure their families may have greased the wheels in some cases, but I didn't meet/reunite with anyone who was like "yeah, haha, I sit on my ass and my dad gives me a monthly allowance." I figured the kids that got sent to camp for 8 weeks when they were 8 years old would be really screwed up. And yet, they were mature, articulate, warm, engaging, eager to ask others questions and...shocker...good listeners.
I'm not sure this says anything really significant that I didn't already know, but I am surprised that I didn't meet up with at least a few overprivileged, uninteresting characters who live off of mommy and daddy's success. In fact, everyone I talked to was pretty impressive.
This sort of thing makes it challenging to work with kids who sometimes think the world owes them and who don't want to work hard or earn anything. You would think it's the rich kids that think the world owes them. But more and more, I'm discovering that our system of public assistance has something to do with this sense of entitlement that I see every day, both in parents and kids.
If there is one bit of advice I could give to all parents on the off chance they might take me seriously, it's this: instill in your children a sense of gratitude and responsibility. There are few things more endearing and magnetic than a grateful, hardworking person.
I know some people that have this stange idea that they "deserve" certain things. I'm not sure what about themselves that makes them believe this - it's not a healthy self-esteem, because my experience is that these kind of people tend to operate squarely from a position of deep insecurity. I've actually heard them say "I deserve..." I have such a hard time with that. First of all, we generally reap what we sow, so...this may sound harsh, but in some cases (certainly not all!!) what we have IS what we deserve. I'm not talking about people getting cancer or people getting laid off or having a special needs child - I am not talking about that at all. I guess I mean our careers, our social circle, our general level of satisfaction with our lives, our financial situations, our homes, in some cases our relationships or lack thereof. We have to take responsibility for our choices, past and present. (It's the ONLY way to move forward and not repeat the past.) And we have to work for what we want. Not just material things but financial security, career success, relationships, romantic and otherwise.
I guess I was just really impressed with how well most of these kids grew up into great adults. I always thought that even though they were nice and polite when they were 12, they would probably grow up to be annoying or even total disasters. Instead I discovered some really well adjusted, down to earth, friendly people. One former camper even mentioned a letter I had written her 10 years ago - she said she kept it ever since and that it really touched her. I've written a lot of heartfelt letters - many of which have been well received. But for someone to keep it and allow themself to be impacted by it - that is someone with a grateful heart.
That inspires me. I realize it is so much easier to support and encourage people who want to be supported and encouraged. It is easier to love people who haven't been so damaged and neglected. It is easier to love people who are familiar with the emotion of gratitude. This is what makes my job hard. And it's why not everybody can do it. And why I need to keep doing it.
Okay, now I'm just procrastinating - have a paper due tuesday and I'm waaaaay behind on my reading. Yikes.
