12:44 p.m. - 2008-06-14
Friday
So Friday is our movie/delivery-food night. I usually hit happy hour before and then head home for movies and pizza - this week, it was my dear co-worker, Paul's last day so they whole crew headed over to a bar where another co-worker has a part time job as a bartender. Unfortunately it did not occur to me or her in our party planning sessions that half of my staff is under 21. Upon this realization, about 10 minutes before we were about to head over there, she said it would be fine as long as they didn't drink. I would have to "watch" them and agree to serve as their "guardian." Hmmm. This sounded fishy to me, but she's worked there for years and we didn't have much choice as people were already heading over. We got there and the bartender who was working kind of threw a fit about it and snorted at my coworker's wonky theory of me as the resident 30 year old being the "guardian" of a bunch of 20 year olds. With a charming monologue with "pretty pleases" from me, he agreed to let everyone stay for a while to enjoy the 13.99 Shop N Save cake I brought (hey, we're on a budget) and things went along ok, save a few glaring looks from the bartender when one of the 21+ers asked if it was ok if she went next door and got a bubbble tea to bring back to enjoy in the bar. So, we brought our own cake and asked to use their plates and forks, 5 of our party of 9 were under 21 and drank water, the coworker who also bartends wasn't drinking because she was starting her bartending shift in an hour, two people who were of age went and got bubble teas and that left me, Paul and 2 guys who each had about a half a plastic cup of the pitcher I had bought. That left me and Paul to finish the pitcher of DogFishHead(it was a SMALL one). I paid the tab - 5 dollars plus tip. For nine people taking up the lion's share of the bar for 2 hours. Ha! The bartender wanted to KILL us. Plus he left before I paid my tab so he didn't even get a tip out of it. Ooopsie! The saving grace is that we made this really awesome book for Paul with drawings from the kids and notes from staff members. He really really liked it.
I went to the video store, got two movies - Death at a Funeral - really really funny. And Flawless - also good. We ate calzones and watched the movies. Later Kevin got up to get a pudding pop. I went in later to get some cucumbers and returned to discover...my husband had managed to stick the wooden stick from the pudding pop into his mouth. Sideways. Cheek to Cheek. He had this goofy look on his face plus a creepy joker smile from the popcicle stick. So I looked at him like he was crazy - IS crazy - and said "Take that out before you choke." He tried to take it out. Unsuccessfully. Again. And again. Stuck. I started laughing which made him laugh, but then he kept hitting me and making this "uhhhh. Uhhhh!" sound and shaking his head to try to make me stop laughing because he was getting kind of panicked about having a popcicle stick wedged in his mouth for the rest of his life. Now I'm doubled over, screaming and crying because I am laughing so hard. Can you imagine THIS emergency room trip? I would not have been able to drive because every time I looked at him I would start laughing again. We would have had to call the ambulance - causing all neighbors to gawk out their windows - this is what Stacy and I do - we call each other and look out the windows of our next door to each other houses and point out everything the ambulance takes into the house to try to assertain which family member it might be "Oooh, they have oxygen - I think Nora has athsma - maybe that's what happened - she had a very bad athsma attack. Wait! Is that an AED? Maybe Joe had a heart attack - he's been looking kind of stressed lately. Oh my gosh, a stretcher. Is that a BODY BAG???" (that conversation is 99% verbatim from when this happened a few weeks ago - turns out someone was having diabetic/glucose problem - don't worry all is well now.) Kevin walked through the room, saw me with my nose pressed against the glass and my ear pressed to my cell phone talking to Stacey. "You two are ridiculous! Neb-noses!" (nebby is a pittsburgh term for nosey.) And he went upstairs. But when they brought someone out on the stretcher, I heard him yell from HIS perch at the window UPSTAIRS - "Is that Bob???" Ha! Neb-nose!
The EMTs would come into our house and the neighbors would be calling each other "Is that a pair of pliers and a hacksaw?" Kevin must have gotten a popcicle stick stuck in his mouth."
I have the feeling that with 50% of Kevin's genes, our kids are going to be the ones who get their head stuck in between the banister rails and we'll have to call the fire department or my dad to set them free. OK, so maybe I did get a small piece of plastic from a bristle block stuck in my ear when I was about 4 while I was supposed to be taking a nap on my mat. (My mother did try to tell them that I refused to nap at this age - so really it's the teachers' fault.) This required a very grumpy trip to the emergency room with my parents. I seem to recall my mother not caring at all when the doctor said it would be painful when he put in this spreader thing to open up my ear canal to fish out said bristle. I believe she said something like "serves her right." to him and "Shut up - it's your own fault" to me when I screamed. (My mother has become a lot more sympathetic in her later years - porbably oweing to the fact that she got to pass along the accompanying me to any possibly painful medical procedures to my husband. I think my parents waltzed back up the aisle with glee to prance around in celebration after we said "I do." And everyone thought it was just a display of how much they love Kevin and are happy to have him in the family. Ha!)
Great. Our kids are going to be the kind that cause the emergency room staff to offer you one of those buy 10 get one free punch cards they give you at coffee shops.
