11:45 a.m. - 2007-12-02
Pittsburgh Holiday Parade Reviewed
It is Sunday morning. Some people are still sleeping. Some people are at church. But we are watching the Pittsburgh Holiday parade on television.
Here is what we've seen so far:
Peter Tork of The Monkeys "singing" (pretty sure it was lip synching) a very slowed down rendition of "Last Train to Clarksville" aboard a float. He looked drunk and crazy. He actually looked a lot like the crazy scientist guy in UHF.
Four people dressed in Pierogie costumes race one of the newscasters down the street.
A kid in the crowd actively and zealously picks his nose and then realizes that he is on camera.
Many high school bands. Now, you know how high school bands are. (Half of my best friends plus my husband were in band, so I am allowed to make fun.) I never thought about why band is full of nerds. But seeing all of these scores of pale, bespectacled and, in many cases, very overweight adolescents, I guess it is because you can't be in band if you play sports because the seasons interfere and you're playing while the footall game is going on. And in the high school world, at least for boys, sports = cool. Don't get me wrong - I am well aware that as the years progress, many of these kids will outgrow their awkward stages, some of them will become supremely talented musicians and some of them will grow up to marry someone like me (one of the highest levels of accomplishment...in patience.) It's just amusing and odd to me that there is such a high concentration of young outcasts walking down a blocked off road together along with mascots like Madeline and Wendy (of the fast food world) and someone called "World Girl."
Let's talk about the outfits. I mean can't someone send out a memo that tells everyone involved that chubby girls in that "half boob" stage hopping around tossing batons up and missing them, look ridiculous in red "sexy santa" lycra suits. And the ones who are thin with fully developed boobs look like whores and/or pedophile bait. The fact that you are holding a flag does not exempt you from the reality that wearing what is essentially a full-body set of panty hose does not count as CLOTHING APROPRIATE FOR PUBLIC VIEWING. This sort of thing is exactly why we were forced to invent the term "camel-toe."
Marsh out.
