12:10 p.m. - 2007-11-09
just pointing out the speck again...
This is why I don't go to church.
So I was talking to the coordinator of our homeless outreach programs and I was asking her what their greatest need is. She told me that the thing that seems to have the most "value" is handmade blankets, afghans, quilts. She said that there is an obvious need - people sleeping outside in cold weather or in a shelter where it's drafty. But the hand made part, she said it just melts the hearts of these old, crusty, weathered men who have lived on the street for most of the lives - to have something that someone made by hand.
So, I call up the head of the Mt. Lebanon Presbyterian Ladies sewing and quilting group. They donated to us a bunch of ugly teddy bears this fall, which the kids hated and we are actually sending to India with som emissionaries who are going to volunteer at an orphanage. I spoke with the coordinator (after thanking her profusely about the LOVELY bears)and told her the situation.
Her response:
We're making bears now.
Me: Right, but there is a distinct need for blankets in the community - maybe some of the people in your group would be interested in making blankets instead.
Her: We're in the middle of our teddy bear project.
Me (in my head): Nobody needs a fucking bear. We need blankets!
Me (out loud): Well, this is a project that we could really use some help on. Could you direct me to someone who is interested in serving the poor and meeting their needs in this way? (in my head) Instead of making up a pretend warm/fuzzy need and convincing people they are doing something useful.
She gives me a number of the lady who runs the sewing group of a church in the next neighborhood over. I call and give the nice old lady who answers the phone the same story.
Her response:
We only make quilts and blankets that we can sell. The money we raise goes toward church projects like fixing the windows.
Me (in my head): You have got to be kidding me. This is a joke, right?
Me (out loud): Do you think your group would consider donating a few of the blankets?
Her: No, I don't think so.
I gave her my name and number on the off chance God convicted her and she changed her mind.
Some people like Patrick and other people who still go to church have pointed out my deep cynicism surrounding this sort of thing. I know, I should be less judgmental and cynical and self-righteous about this kind of thing. But when I think about a bunch of middle-older-aged white ladies sitting around drinking tea and knitting and refusing to meet a specific need that they are well equipped to meet...it makes my blood boil. Not just at them, but at their pastor and the whole church culture. They are not the only ones responsible for their unwillingness to take an opportunity of such an OBVIOUS nature.
As with most things...when I think about this and get angry, I turn my thoughts inward. I have been well trained to think about the plank in my eye. What is my plank in all of this. Is it true that their suckyness is a speck and I have some ridiculously awful thing that I am totally missing? Probably.
But I'm still allowed to be a little bit mad at them.
I actually want to go to church, believe it or not. I would like to go and worship. I would like to be in some kind of small group. I would like to go and meet some people who speak my spiritual "language" (ah, this is the tricky part, because my language is spoken by so few.) One part irreverence, one part honest, one part trying to live in actual humility, once part justice, one part poverty-fighting, one part fear, one part doubt, one part really sick of being out of the loop and one part vomitting at the thought of getting back in.
These thoughts crop up from time to time and then something happens like the impending doom of the holiday season and to the back burner they go, pushed out of the way by gift lists, parties to plan, the Toys For Tots guy to call back, finding free turkeys for families and deciding whether to make carrots or asparagus for Christmas dinner...
