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9:41 p.m. - 2007-10-04
when things don't suck

Tonight Amy and I were talking about how you (all of us) tend to not be grateful for the absense of pain. The absense of sickness, etc. When you back hurts or you have a horrible cold, you think "Why didn't I appreciate feeling normal when I didn't have this?" You focus on that one painful, annoying, disruptive thing...a broken relationship, a splinter, the fear you might have a horrible disease. You are distraught, worried, totally obsessed with this problem. And then you make up with your friend, you yank the infected splinter out, your tumor turns out to be benign. And for like, a minute, you're grateful, thrilled, so thankful, appreciative, relieved. For a minute, you think "I will never care about anything else again, because that thing was the absolute WORST."

But then things are normal, mostly, and you pick at little things, physically or mentally or conversationally. Or you dream of the things you wish you had...more friends, a boyfriend, a different girlfriend, a big house, a bigger paycheck, a nicer boss, less debt, the amazing new vaccuum cleaner, a dog, a closer relationship with your sister, the knowledge of what you are supposed to do with your life.

I think maybe the one thing I want is to learn to appreciate every little wonderful thing I have, and to ignore the little stupid things that annoy me or the things I want someday. That is what I want.

And I also want Amy to know that I appreciate her letting me vent my neurotic crazies to her even though she is under an enormous amount of stress in her own life. It's nice to have a lady around who doesn't think I'm weird.

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