3:48 p.m. - 2007-09-21
Girl...
OK, so remember when you were a freshman in college and you finally had your own answering machine? You spend 20 minutes composing yourself, picked out just the right song to have fade out as you left your greeting and then fade back in? Maybe it was Dancing Queen by ABBA, American Woman by Lenny Kravitz, something by Bob Marley...perhaps a Dave Matthews song if you were into that kind of thing. In high school, Spags and I got in trouble because we used her mom's answering machine and the song "Connection" by Elastica to record a super cool message. I don't know why I was so interested - no one was calling ME on Spag's mom's phone. I remember my freshman year, my hallmate Grace was in her room with her very much not soundproof door shut, starting her CD player over and over as she would try to get through her recording "Hey this is Grace...leave a number and...oh shit." (re-cue CD of lame country song) "Hi this is Grace and I'm....fuck." (re-cue CD) "Hey, it's Grace and I'm not here so call..no, wait. Shit." Re-cue CD.
There were about 7 of us standing outside the door. Snickering turned in howling laughter until Grace heard us and finally pulled the door open, red with embarrassment. We all laughed together at it - because we'd all done it, and all sounded just as retarded. but Grace got caught.
So, today I returned a call to some young african american man who called himself "Staff Seargent Smith." He is with the Toys For Tots program. I have no idea why they need a ranking officer of some milatary or law enforcement branch to give out toys for Christmas, but whatever. I called him back and got his answering machine. Which...featured a slow, unbelievably cheezy R & B song along the lines of Justin and Adam Sandberg's famed "you know what in a box." I swear, it started out "Girl..." Hahahahahahahhha. There is no freaking way I am going to be able to keep a straight face when this dude calls me back.
