10:09 p.m. - 2007-07-31
david hasslehoff strikes again
Another day at the city pool with the kiddies. I wish I could go every week, partly because it's fun, partly because I spend most of my time teaching the terrified ones to be less afraid and the non-swimmers to swim. Since we started, Alanis and Nautica have learned, officially, to swim. It's an amazing thing to teach someone - not just for fun, but so they have a skill and they are safer.
The other reason I go is because David Hasslehoff is being abusive toward my kiddos and my staff. We have reported him to his supervisor twice. I don't think she cares. I'm fixin' to call the mayor.
I am really tired of hearing him bellow "Hey! Little Girl! We don't do that here!" (referring to general jumping, splashing, etc.) One of my kids got water in her mouth and spit it out - not AT anyone or anything. So he blows his whistle and screams at her "We are NOT spitting water today!" So I say to no one in particular, mostly to myself, "But we MIGHT be tomorrow." Some moms nearby chuckled and in a frenzy they all started in "We HATE him...he is SO MEAN....Power trip...asshole..."
I found out he is a full time, year round life guard. He works at an indoor city pool in the winter. I thought at least maybe he was a gym teacher in the off season. Nope. Lifeguard all the way. He is at least 40. Now, there is nothing wrong with choosing this path for your career. However, he obviously hates children.
Today, I realized why he might have chosen this line of work. He hit on my 20 year old group leader. I was standing right there talking to her and he comes up to her, totally macho swagger, set down his rescue tube and interrupts us and says 'i'm sorry but I have just got to tell ya, you have the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen." She is cute, probably a 6.5-7.0 on the scale, but her eyes are probably not something she gets a lot of comments about. They are very normal eyes. I, also, have very normal eyes. I have only gotten comments about them when someone is trying very hard not to say "you have great boobs." And more suspicious is the fact that her was staring right at her boobs the whole time. Like RIGHT at them. Is this one of those things that dumb guys sit around and figure out together? "Dude, you should tell her she has nice eyes! Chicks dig that."
Onto another topic. Haley hates armpits and is phobic about witnessing other people putting on deodorant. I just learned this recently. Given the amount of time we spend together, we have very little privacy - neither of us shuts the door when we use the bathroom, we change in front of each other without even thinking about it. She recently insisted that I pop a pimple on her back. We also share a lot of products and items. Hair appliances, accessories, food, beverages. Make up in particular - she is always shoving her newest lip products at me...try this, try that. Recently I was at her apartment and grabbed her deoderant and as I removed the cap I said "Can I use this?" only as a formality. She turned her back and goes "Oh god, just do it, but don't tell me and DO NOT do it in front of me." I laughed and said "What? What is the problem?"
Haley says "Jess, you could shit on my head and i probably wouldn't care, but I CAN NOT handle watching someone rub deodorant on themselves. You are the ONLY person who is ever allowed to use my deodorant, but DO NOT tell me about it when you do. It's just....it's better if i don't know." She goes into this tirade about how disgusting it is to watch people put on deodorant in locker rooms, at the gym, etc. She is seriously grossed out by this.
Earlier that day I had told her that if she really pissed me off, I would take her cell phone/pda thing and throw it in the river. (The girl is OBSESSED with constant text messaging and it is driving me crazy.) So i told her that in addition to throwing her cell phone in the river, i would secretly steal her deodorant, and walk down the street and insist that everyone I encountered put some on. I would film this and then I would return it to her bathroom and wait until she had used it a few times and show her the tape. Upon hearing this she screamed. Then she said "Well, if you ever piss me off, I'll.....I'll....I'll....be late. And i'll bring a spider."
I ask you, who is more vulnerable?
Ok, well, there is one normalish thing that grosses me out. Watching people brush their teeth. Toothpaste and the motion of the toothbrush make me gag, and every morning and evening when I brush, I have to kind of steel myself against the gag reflex. I throw up in the sink a little bit accidentally at least once a week and a sizable amount probably monthly. This sucks especially bad because it is usually toward the end of the brushing, and obviously, if you barf, you have to freaking brush your teeth AGAIN. If I see a commercial that involves people brushing their teeth or using mouthwash, I have to tune it out the same way I do if a movie trailer of a scary movie comes on while i am at home alone.
So that you have it - JEM's kryptonite.
