8:20 p.m. - 2007-04-06
baby I'm ready to go
Songs...
Tonight I have been listening to the 90s alternative station as I clean and email and wait for Kevin to finally come home. I love the Sirius. The 90s alternative station takes me back to days of angst, extreme total self-centeredness, stupid boys that consumed my every thought...Doll Parts, anyone?
I fake it so real I am beyond fake...someday you will ache like I ache.
But also some really amazing music that just rang true at the time. 10,000 Maniacs, Tori Amos, Sarah Mclaughlan, Counting Crows, Poe, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Big Head Todd and the Monsters, The Connells, Cranberries, and then music that didn't necessarily ring true, per se but was just amazing - Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Jane's Addiction, Live, Radiohead, etc.
It's kind of crazy how much music I used to lisen to. I hardly listen to anything new anymore. I anxiously await the new U2 albums that come out every five years or so and that's about it. Perhaps this means I am old. I haven't put a single new son on my iPod since Ben Cape helped me put like 500 songs on it. It's not that there isn't any other music I want on there - really I just can't find the cord/dock thingie. But, the music I do want on it is the stuff I mentioned above, plus some more folkie, indie stuff, but nothing that has come out in the last 2 years.
Ew. Creed just came on. Creed sucks. Creed sucks the bottom of my shoe covered in dog vomit.
I had to write up one of my employees this week. I should not go into detail because with my luck, this person will find my blog tomorrow. Let's just say that much like being the one doing the breaking up really isn't any easier or more pleasant that being the one getting broken up with, similarly, being the boss who has to tell you that you are kind of sucking lately is not any easier than being told you have kind of been sucking lately. So many cliches...this hurts me more than it hurts you...blah blah. It just kind of sucks to be in those conversations. Just because you have more power or something doesn't make it feel any less awkward and gross. I will try to remember this the next time I get in trouble for something and get reprimanded, except that in my own experience, I tend get in trouble only when the person doing the reprimanding is a heartless, psychotic, inhuman sadist. I'm sure there is a good Poe or Hole song about evil bosses, or at least one of their boyfriend, you sucked the life out of me songs could also be directed toward bosses from hell.
I think part of the reason it was so hard for me to provide "constructive criticism" to said employee is that I am terrified that anyone would ever think of me the way we all thought of my last boss. Maybe I shouldn't care so much (she certainly didn't) and I do try to maintain appropriate boundaries and such to avoid falling into caring more if they LIKE me than doing a good job superivising and supporting them.
Henry the cat does this thing, usually when we haven't paid a ton of attention to him which has been somewhat true as of late...he waits until you are almost asleep, and then he finds his caterpiller toy (this old nasty worn-out pink thing with metallic fuzz on it) and picks it up in his mouth and carries it all around the house making this VERY LOUD mournful sound that is muffled slightly by the toy. It sounds like "Mrrrrroo. Mrrrrroo." But in the minor key. it's kind of like he discovered that the caterpiller is dead. Each time he does this, it 1. wakes me up and 2. causes me to laugh hysterically. So at about 1am last night, I was laughing so hard I was crying and could not fall back to sleep.
