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6:37 p.m. - 2007-01-15
what's going on.
Greetings.

I feel like my blog has been kind of superficial lately. Sorry.

Here is an update on real life things. I can't promise it's all that exciting, but here goes.

I really like being married. I think our marriage is just about as good as a four month old marriage can be. Kevin is a really amazing husband and we are settling into something resembling a routine that involves working, hanging out with our friends and family, thinking in the back of our minds that we wish there was a church we liked going to, watching movies, watching shows like 24 and Heros, Kevin working on sodoku puzzles while I watch shows like American Idol, cooking yummy dinners and trying not to stress out too much about work. Kevin's job is semi stressful right now - he has a lot of responsibilities and it all seems kind of crucial at the moment. But he gets to work from home and he likes that.

My job is slightly scary but it's exactly what I want to be doing. I worry that I will screw something important like our budget up, but I think I am doing a good job so far. I love it that I feel like I am doing what I meant to be doing - overseeing a program that has the potential to really impact the lives of inner city kids.

I feel like I don't have nearly enough time or energy to do other things i would like to - like take a spanish class, or a martial arts class, have some kind of useful bible study/discussion group going on in our house, find a church I don't think is annoying, fix up the parts of our house that need fixing.

I am trying to work out regularly and I find this to be chalenging - no matter where I squeeze it in, it doesn't fit into my schedule very well. But that is the excuse that keeps me from doing it and having a healthier body. I am going to the gym but not enough. I wish I could make myself wake up at 7am and just bound out of bed and get it over with. I am committed to trying, but it's really hard.

I have been working on being more patient and flexible. This is also hard, but I am really trying.

I am reading Barack Obama's book "The Audacity of Hope." I am getting really excited about this guy.

We have been staying in and having people over more and going out less - we find this is economically agreeable and we enjoy having our friends over to eat and drink wine and play games. It also motivates me to clean more urgently so Kevin doesn't get stuck doing most of it.

I am going to be in my friend kelly's wedding which is will be fun. I just got my persimmon colored dress fitted and ordered today. I had a frustrated moment when I saw the size they ordered me but my sales associate who is the lovely person who helped me through my own wedding gown process assured me "it's all your girls" which is how she tells me that it's because of my boobs. Which is nice, but still annoying.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. I am definitely not, but I was surprised at how i wasn't totally freaked out in the dream. It's good to know it wouldn't be the worst thing to happen. As my mom said, when i told her "Well, everyone would be ecstatic but you!" That's pretty true. My husband is going to make a wonderful father, and I think I'll do ok with mommyhood, but just not YET.

Our Christmas decorations are still up due to lack of time to take them down.

I got to spend time today with little Haylie, one of the triplets, and that is always such a joy. On one hand, it's just fun, and on another hand there is something profound about showering those little munchkins with love and attention. It doesn't escape me that God specially notes widows and the fatherless. And it doesn't surprise me when I find such joy in it. God is cool like that. You don't see him saying things like go and stare at a wall for 7 hours. Hopefully that makes sense without further explanation.

Overall, things are good and we are doing well. I am troubled by our world and want to do my best to make it better because I think that is what God is interested in me doing. I want to make myself better, too, and not get bogged down, simply surviving and pretending I'm the only person and my own situation is the only one to worry about. I spend a lot of time online trying to educate myself about what's going on in Africa, Sudan and the American politial landscape. I often feel small and helpless clicking away on websites on my laptop, but I remind myself that I have to educate myself, sorting out the rhetoric and propaganda, to understand what is happening so I can do something. I find myself praying for the power to do something. For now, the best place I can do something is in my home, being the best wife I can be, at my job doing the best I can so that some kids who can't read and have no recognisable hope in their eyes can rise above those disadvantages, learning about a promising presidential candidate that I might like to support, and sending lots of form letter emails to the white house, asking the president to please care about political prisoners overseas. Maybe a time will come for me to be more hands-on or more public or something, but for now, I feel content in doing what I feel "called' to do.

I'm probably too cynical and not reverent enought. I'm still too impatient and inflexible. I don't exercise enough to make a difference and sometimes all I want is to sit in front of the TV and watch people make idiots of themselves on the networks. I worry too much about stupid, selfish things. I am conscious of our collective tendency to only care about ourselves and I hope I'm doing the best I can to fight against that.

I know most of my diary entries are kind of silly. Just wanted to share a little bit of the real stuff that's not all that entertaining. I like it that my diary is entertaining, but I also realize that there are people who read it that i never talk to. So, there you go. A different kind of update.

Marsh out.

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