4:51 p.m. - 2006-09-04
5 days away
Someday I'm going to write a book about getting married. That's why I've been kinda quiet on the blog lately. Well, that and the fact that planning a wedding sucks every last speck of energy out of your body and converts it into something bad like angry snippy exhausted frustration. If they could figure out how to make cars run on that, brides would rule the world.
That's me. I'm the bride. It's weird. You get this special treatment everywhere you go, when the subject of your wedding comes up. It's kind of like being famous. But you have to like name-drop yourself. Like if someone famous, but not visually recognisable, like David Sedaris (humorist) or Candace Bushnell (author) or Melissa Block (NPR radio news personality), goes into a restaurant, they don't automatically get seated at the best table. But if they can casually slip it in there, then the hostess suddenly falls all over herself like she would with someone recognisable, but not mega famous, you know, like not Julia Rberts/Tom Cruise...maybe more like John Malkovich/Jennifer Tilly. Like not Keifer, but maybe Chloe. You dig?
So it is with brides. At the hair salon where I got my hair cut today, the subject of the wedding came up, because I threatened her within an inch of her life (please excuse my stupid pun here) if she went the teeniest bit beyond a TRIM, because in four days my hair needs to be long enough to be pulled, combed and tugged into something resembling a birthday cake on my head. The moment she found out that I'm a bride, mayhem ensued. Prior to her knowledge of my upcoming nuptuals, she was brisk, distant and scolded me for not cutting my hair for 11 months (Hey, everyone knows, when you get the ring, or even when you begin suspecting a ring, scissors DO NOT touch you hair.) Then. The "W" word came out. I suddenly got a deluxe eyebrow waxing and a complimentary velcro roll dry instead of the usual brush and blow out. There was a lot of squealing and such over my "bling" and detailed questions about my dress, shoes and honeymoon location.
I think, though, this may have something to do with the fact that brides have a lot of buying power and the people who are really nice to you are the people who see dollar signs when you say "wedding."
In other news, today we had our last "pre marital counseling session" with John, our officient. It was a little daunting like maybe he would say something at the end like "Yeah, so this marriage thing...I don't think it's for you two. Maybe you should try being friends or business partners or pen pals or something..." But of course he didn't. The conversation was actually a lot shorter and a lot less personal than usual, and involved a lot of questions like "Now, how do you spell your mom's name, Jessi?"
So...our officient didn't say "no" and I have a fabulous hair cut and perfectly groomed eyebrows...I guess we're ready.
