4:09 p.m. - 2006-03-31
too much talking
Two days ago a man flashed me in broad daylight and did some other unsavory things. There were police, etc. Nope. Not kidding. It's just a day in the life, you know.
Yesterday I was walking across a rather long bridge, from my office, across teh river to downtown. It was a lovely day. Breezy, sunny, 65 degrees. About halfway across the bridge, I feel an insect of some sort hit my head and then that tugging feeling combined with that buzzing sound that can only mean "Oh shit there is a great big huge dangerous insect stuck in my hair." I am terrified. I reach back, tentatively, still walking, and my fingers feel something large and in charge. It buzzes more. Now, seriously, what the hell do you do in this situation? I'm by myself, but there are other people around. Do I stop the woman passing by and say "Um, can you check and see if there's a big bug in my hair?" Even if she didn't run away from me thinking I was a freak, what was she going to do? Probably look and go "Yup. It's a big one." And then go on her way.
I'm on a bridge, people. I'm about one baby step away from panic, except that I am very aware that panicking will do absolutely nothing but label me a mental hospital escapee. I think to myself, I am absolutely horrified and very scared, but I am more afraid of public embarrassment. So I do nothing but keep walking for about 30 seconds, passing lots of people. After a while, I think if I shake my head some, I will help it get free. I shake. People look at me a little strangely. I then feel with my fingers again. Nope. Still there. Shake. Feel. Shake. Feel. Oh, now they definitely think I have Tourettes. No, I am not joking or making fun, Patrick, I really think that is what it looked like.
After about five minutes of this, I lose it. Not entirely. But I do stop, jump up and down in place about three times, shaking my head all about in hokey pokey fashion, in a whiney, "I don't know what to do" kind of way. This for some reason, worked. It flew away.
There were only a few disinterest homeless-looking guys around besides the cars whizzing past, so I didn't feel compelled to explain myself, which is good because sometimes I feel compelled to explain myself when there really is no need to and it just makes things worse.
Like today, for example. I was waiting for the elevator to go downstairs and down the block to the Starbucks, and text messaging Kevin at the same time. Two other people were waiting for the elevator. I have never gotten on my floor (the second floor) and had anyone else getting on on the second floor do anything but go down to the lobby. It's like, I can't imagine ever going upstairs for anything from the first floor. It's all small, seperate offices, not one big company. It woudl be an unlikely coincidence to have a reson to be going to two offices in that same building, because they all have nothing to do with each other. I realize it's not impossible, but you get the point, right. I suppose I could need to visit an attorney and the people at the Senator's office on the same day. Whatever.
Anyway, I get on, still text messaging, and assume we are going down. The door opens. I get off. I am now on the fourth floor. That's odd, I think. I turn around, get back in, now alone, and hit G for Ground Floor. I continue text messaging. The door opens. I go to walk out and nearly knock over a man getting in. I go around him and find myself in the hall of the third floor. I turn around, get back in, kind of laugh and start to explain it to this guy, from the beginning....all I get is blank stare, then semi-polite nod. I laugh nervously. Attempt small joke. "Clearly, it's a Friday. TGIF, right?" Attempt at joke fails miserably. No response. Call 911. I end this horrible encounter with "Well, at least it's a nice day out."
"Yup." he says which he follows with a SIGH. And walks out.
Is it happy hour yet?
