9:34 a.m. - 2005-12-20
What Child is this?
During this time of year does anyone feel the need to make a lot of jokes about "rapping" when you say things like "Oh, I really have to start wrapping." Maybe it's just me.
Yesterday I had my first experience shopping with a baby. Granted my mother was there, which makes the whole thing even more frightening. Caleb, one of the triplets, was at our house when my mom and I decided to take a trip out to Target. Nothing really significant happened. It's just that trying to get stuff done when you have this little person with an extremely short attention span and only one communication method (crying) with you is really cumbersome.
At one point, my mom was hunting desperately for a 12 month size "onesie" for a boy ("Oh just get the pink one...who cares if he looks like a girl?" said I.) I was responsible for "standing near the cart" which contained Caleb and gifts for my co-workers. Well, Caleb and I are cool, but I only see him about every 3 weeks or so and he doesn't remember me every time. After a few minutes, he decides he doesn't like how far away my mother has wandered and he starts screaming his head off. Now, we are in the baby section so there are other people with babies there. All other babies are happily sitting in the shopping carts, chortling and gurgling. And here I am, with this wailing grouch. The thing that really made me feel insecure is because I am sure people thought he was MY baby and I looked like I didn't know what the hell to do with him. After a few minutes of me fruitlessly making silly faces and kind of poking at him, my mother SHOUTS from across the rounders of baby pjs and bonnets "PICK. HIM. UP." Well, it's not like I hadn't thought of that. But really, he's not that fond of me. And I didn't think it would help. Having a baby screaming in your shopping cart is bad enough. But actually holding the screaming child in public...people with other happy babies look at you smugly and think they are perfect and you suck. And people without babies just hate you for not being able to get the kid you are holding to shut up because they are already so freaking stressed out that there are only four shopping days left until Christmas and they can't find that plum-colored, chenile throw that their great aunt can't live without. So basically, in my warped brain, holding him makes me look like more of a jerk. It's all about me, right?
So then my mom yells at me, which makes me look like a real idiot...everyone's like "Oooh, that girl doesn't even know to pick up her own baby when it's crying...oh, she's not wearing a wedding ring...she's a SINGLE MOM....and her mother has to do everything for her because she's such a mess. Poor thing. It's Christmas and she's all alone." I wanted to wear a t-shirt that said "I swear, I am childless and have a wonderful boyfriend." Or maybe a little more simply one along the lines of those cars that say "Student Driver"...my t-shirt could say "INEXPERIENCED BABYSITTER."
We did manage to get out of Target without being arrested for gross neglect of a minor, and with all of the items we came for except for the onesie. (We went with a pair of two-piece plaid PJs.)
On a side note, I just caught the following sentence come from my co-worker's office. "I'm not the brightest bulb shining this season..." That sounds kind of funny and kind of sad....
