11:29 a.m. - 2005-09-29
butting heads in the ghetto
The update on the tuesday's situation is that Suzie is still in the hospital. Her grandmother is threatening to sue. We had two meetings yesterday, one of which was extgremely helpful and productive in which the girl who was supposed to be incharge explained her actions, addressed my concerns and frustrations, and we drafted an interim emergency policy until a manual of procedures can me created and put in place. All staff will be trained in CPR and First Aid by the end of next month and a chain of command was established. That was really great and I felt much better after that.
Then, however, in a mediated situation I confronted the male teacher who was totally unresponsive and rude to me. He was equally rude and unresponsive in this meeting and so I called him out on it and asked for an explation of his attitude toward me. He finally lets loose this string of opinions about me and my teaching style. So, basicaly, he ignored me and was rude to me in the middle of an emergency yesterday because he doesn't like the way I taught over the summer. He said I was "too strict" with his students and that I shouldn't reprimand them or penalize them for being disrespectful or disruptive because "that's just how they are."
Oh, good. I'm glad we're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of the ocunty's money to allow these "at-risk" kids to stay the way they are. Disrespectful, rude and apathetic. That's just why I want to spend my afternoons there. So I can help them continue to be individuals on a path toward failure. I'm glad we're all working together to affirm them in talking to their teachers like they talk to their peers and ignoring things they prefer not to pay attention to. I definitely want to instill in them the notion that they won't ever have to take responsibility for anything and that the best they can hope for is that someone will feel sorry for them.
So, I basically said all of this to him and said that it's fine to have a different teaching style and a different philosophy and that it's probably good that they have a variety of people aorund them who take a variety of approaches, but that it is absolutely unacceptable and unprofessional to form such definitive negative opinions of a colleague, fail to give them any feedback, and choose to ignore them in an emergency situation just because you have a difference of opinion on how things should be done.
We agreed to "start over" and left it at that.
Then I left the meeting, went to the bathroom and cried. I felt so insulted and suddenly totally insecure about what the hell I am doing trying to teach these kids who seem to hate everything. I began to wonder what those kids really thought of me, and how maybe he was right, maybe it is better to just connect with them and hope that they feel loved. Maybe it is better to just earn their trust and be ther eto support them. AmI doing anything effective at all if they all hate me? What kinds of things did the kids say about me? I started to second guess everything I said to him so confidently. After about two minutes, I went to my classroom and started my day with the kids. I helped my "leader of the pack" 15 year old wiht a GIGANTIC attitude learn every single one of the states and capitols in an hour (she knew seven of them before we started.) And as unbelievable as it sounds, she looked at me after she triumphantly responded with "Juneau" as I held up the Alaska (and final) card, she smiled and said "I like you so much better than Mr. Paul. I can't stand him."
When I told Kevin this last night, with glee, he chided me for it, pointing out that it was a bit childish to take so much pleasure in the comment. But it's not like it sounds....I wasn't glad that she said she didn't like him. It was just that it took away the feeling that maybe he was doing everything perfectly and I suck, and put it into perspective....the kids are going to hate you one minute and love you the next. Fickle, they are. She probably loves it that I helped her get what will likely be an A on her test tomorrow and she hates it that I told her to share the jump rope with that girl she doesn't like. She probably loves it that Mr. Paul lets them talk instead of do their homework and hates it that he took Jason's side instead of hers when there was an argument over who got which computer. Their love and respect is conditional, to a point and we have different ways of earning their trust and doing our best to help them succeed. And that, I can handle.
