10:11 a.m. - 2005-06-07
Exclusive interview with Henry T. Cat
I'm all for diversity. Even when it comes ot my interviews. Who says interviews are just for humans? I'm pleased to introduce you to Henry the Cat. He belongs to Kevin, is large, orange, and has one ear that flaps forward and looks a little funny. But it only adds to his charm. I would have liked to have also interviewed Ted the Cat, who Kevin and I picked out a few weeks ago at the kitty shelter, but he is mostly into hiding under the bed and is not doing interviews at this time. Here is Henry's interview, as told to Kevin.
How do you know me?
You're the goofy girl with crazy hair who takes over my spots! Although, you did provide me with a rather wonderful exercise tool.
Where do you live and with whom?
Some guy who finds it amusing when he holds me down and rubs my stomach. Amusing until I clamp down hard on his hand that is. There is also some anti-social fellow who won't come out from under the bed. What a freak.
How do you spend your time?
I really try and pace myself. Essentially, I wake up in the morning, have a little bit to eat. Then I poop, then lay around a little. Then I get up and go eat. Another trip to the "box" if you know what I'm saying. Then, I usually look out the window for a little while. Then go lay on the couch. Then, when the guy comes home, I see how long I have to "meow" before he pays attention. Then I walk around his feet trying to trip him. One of these days I will succeed. The evening generally consists of a little more eating, sleeping, and pooping.
What is your favorite thing to do?
That's a tough one. Eat, sleep, poop. Really, they are all equally enjoyable. I guess that it depends on my mood. I also thoroughly enjoy running up and down the stairs as fast as I can for no good reason.
What is most annoying about your life?
The lack of opposable thumbs.
What is your greatest strength?
My adorable charm. What can I say, people love me.
Lamest weakness?
Me, a weakness? Well, maybe, on occassion, I have a bit too much to eat. I supposs that I could stand to lose a few pounds. Tomorrow, I start doing crunches!
What makes you super-extra-specially happy?
Fresh litter. Hairball treats. Laser Pointers.
What is your most prized possession?
That would have to be my best friend, Pedro. He is a stuffed caterpillar. Sure he is showing some signs of age, but we've been through a lot together. Commander Cosmo is pretty cool too, but he's no Pedro.
What are you afraid of?
Henry is not afraid of anything. Well, maybe thunder. And commitment.
Share a childhood memory.
Well, I had a somewhat traumatic childhood and the details are a bit fuzzy. But I do have vague recollections of playing in the sand and sun on the French Riviera.
Tell us about the most romantic moment of your life.
That would have to be nearly any moment with Emily. She was this hot, all white little number. Sure, she was a little on the large size, but you know what they say about that. How I miss her so. The way she used to lick my lame ear was so comforting. Then she would stick her rear end in my face. Ah, we were so in love. Alas, it was not to be.
What is one thing you know for sure is true?
If you just give it a little effort, humans will do just about anything you want them to.
