11:55 a.m. - 2005-02-10
what not to wear, even if you really wanted to
OK, So I went on this fabulous shopping trip with Kelly Santimauro (I have a lot of Kellys in my life...don't worry, I love each Kelly in her own and special way. I issue my apology and condolence that 1978 was such a popular year for the name Kelly...see, this is why I'm an advocate of names with "options"...Jess, Jessi Jessica, etc. If you're a Jen for example...if you're flexible in nature, you can easily shift into a "jennifer" if a lot of Jens crop up unexpectedly like weeds in an organic vegetable garden. Or whatever. Speaking of names...Bethany just told me her nephew's name is going to be Maximus. Or rather, it is Maximus, as he has already been born. It's a done deal. Now, no one can argue with Max being a cool name. I mena, come on, Max. Instant coolness...practically guarneteed. I'd date a guy named Max just because that was his name...provided he was of legal age, spoke english (at least a little) and didn't wear pleated pants or shiny necklaces. OK, so I have standards. Anyway, this kid's in the clear....until everybody finds out his full name is Maximus, which....cover your ears mom is absolutely 100% a Porn Star's name. I have extremely limted experience with porn for obvious reasons, but you hear the names floating around here and there on E! Entertainment television and during comedian's monolgues, etc. But I can pretty much guarantee that the first time the kid comes home crying from school, this is going to be the reason. I'm sure little Max is adorable and will go on to do great, hopefully PG rated things....but let's all take a moment to consider the gravity of such a situation. While Bethany and I were tlaking about this, we both said "OH well..." and then burst out laughing because the elipses there really means Oh well: it's just a whole person's ENTIRE LIFE."
Back to my original subject: my shopping excursion. Actually, the subject is not so much the excursion as it is about the fact that I just discovered that one of my purchases still sports a big fat plastic SENSOR TAG. I went to put on this adorable camisole only to feel that horrible, icky "Argh! Get it off! Get it off me!" feeling that results in tearing off the offending clothing item and throwing it across the room, shuddering and in need of a few recovery moments, dangerously jeaprodizing my ability to be on time to work. Not to mention the whole "find another shirt" problem, which at 7am seems as complex and time consuming as the situation in Iraq. After consulting with Colin and Condoleeza, I decided on a red collared shirt and was on my way.
But seriously, I know that the kids over at Old Navy aren't raking in the dough. I realize it's probably a little depressing to have to ask every person who comes through your line if they want to "save ten percent today by opening an Old Navy Account". But come on! All I want is to be able to WEAR the clothes I spent more money than I should have on. Is this too much to ask?
