10:55 p.m. - 2004-12-16
stupid oral hygiene
SO I saw this new product and I just had to tell you about it. It's one of those battery powered tooth brushes, and it had three speeds on it...medium, for regular brushing, I guess, high for...I don't know, extra dirty teeth, and "soft" which is for your teeth that are sensitive. OK. Let's think about this. You buy a battery powered toothbrush so you don't have to move your hand up an ddown, I guess. And then they make it so that you can speed it up and slow it down intermittantly as necessary? I mean, come on, People. This is the height of American laziness. I have a suggestion. Let's buck up for the new year and burn off seven extra calories during our oral hygeine routines.
In other news, there's a highly entertaining program on the Spike network called Crash Dummy or something. They have these people competing throughout the season, and one person gets eliminated each show. I promise, it's less run-of-the mill than it sounds so far. Basically two contestants at a time have to crash a party of some sort. One was a 30th birthday party and one was a large engagement party. They crash it totally unbeknownst to the hosts and guests and they get this list of things they can do to score points. Examples of challenges:
Convince someone you're a psychic
Convince the guests that you work with the host
Get someone to hide under a table with you
Tell someone that their crotch has a red aura
Give a toast to the guest of honor
Organize square dancing
Get someone to ask you for their number
Dance with the bride-to-be's father
Ask someone to define what it means to "pork" someone
Get people to try on each other's clothes
Get eveyone who has ever gotten a divorce on one side of the room
Get people to participate in a "cleansing ritual."
OK, maybe there's something wrong with me, but I think I would be AWESOME at this game. It was so entertaining. I mean, they have to go in their wearing these huge glasses that have hidden cameras and microphone's in them, so they look kind of conspicuous anyway. And the entire time, guests are going "Who IS that woman? Who invited her?" The contestants didn't know the names of the guests of honor or anything going in, and immediately would have to field questions about who they knew there, etc. One guy almost got beat up by the birthday girl's boyfriend after he attempted the challenge of "Compose an "ode" to the guest of honor and sing it to her in front of everyone. The boyfriend and the woman's brother confronted him on who he was and why he was there and he actually got out of it, without having to tell the truth or getting kicked out, either of which eliminates the contestant. This is entertainment, folks.
Let's see, what else. The scary Jesus bust on the center piece was complemented today by scary Jesus and Mary funeral cards. The cards have weird Byzantine-era prints of the blessed mother and the big JC (yes, I just art history term dropped...how ya like that? Byzantine.) Anyway, I mean, you all know, me and Jesus, we're tight. But I wouldn't want those scary paintings of me around even if I was the savior of the world. In other funeral related news, I got to hang out with my grandpa a lot today and that was pretty cool. He told my uncle I'm his favorite grandchild. Shh, don't tell anyone; that's teh kind of comment that can start world war three on that side of the family. Seriously. Hmm, what else is worth writing about? I'm jealous of doesnotapply, aka Cat because she has a crush on someone. I want to have a crush on someone. I mean, I've had a date or two recently, but I'm talking about an mild-obsession worthy non-personal crush. There are rules to having a good crush experience. It should be someone that you regularly interact with, but not in a personal way. The perfect person to have a crush on is someone like your friendly neighborhood barista. You can see them regularly. You can get excited when the interaction goes beyond the usual Tall Latte, that will be 2.50, thank you, thank you. I mean, when he says "So, how's your morning going?" it just totally makes your day, right? Right. I can't wait to see The Life Aquatic. Grrr to Brooke who got to go to the New York opener and BOO for her NOT going up to delicious Luke Wilson when she had the opportunity. But then again, Brooke is one of the more composed individuals I know, so she must have been hopelessly starstruck. Luke is totally starstruck-worthy. On David Letterman, which is on at the moment, Dave just accidentally called Kate Beckinsale "Keth Bacon-sale." Someone should definitely name their child that. OK dudes. I have a eulogy to write. G'night.
