1:33 p.m. - 2004-11-29
a synopsis of my travels
Dudes:
I am like so totally sorry I have been MIA. I've barely sat down since I rolled myself over to a couch and went into a coma after thanksgiving dinner. Actually, I didn't, because there were many relatives to catch up with, but I wanted to.
So, I went to Sara Taylor's wedding with Travis Kirk on Staurday. If you haven't caught any quality time with the Trav-dawg recently, you should. He's super-great. There was dinner, great conversation with friends, dancing cheek-to-cheek, the YMCA, and of course.....a wedding outfit disaster for Jessi. Of course. So I put together this pretty rock and roll outfit....a black and off-white shimmery skirt, and a shimmery black top (yes, I said Top....and for thos of you who know what I'm sayin', I want to report that Geoff Osterland used the word "top" to describe a shirt without batting an eyelash. But Rob and Travis kind of shuddered when I brought it up and said they would never do that. Go figure.) SO I'm got a black velvet jacket over the ensemble. The first problem is that the shirt is scratchy...really scratchy. I kind of remembered it being scratchy when I tried it on...but as i was driving to Ashtabula, i had that itchy, uncomfortbale feeling that is sort of simliar to when you're about to come down with a serious case of the flu. I just sucked it up and chose to ignore it. But then, as I'm getting out of the car, I notice I've got black dots on my hands...I look on the seat and there's black glittery speck all over it. It's also all over my neck and shoulders and armpits. And it doesn't come off...and even if it did, which would require a laser and a derma-abrasion specialist, there's millions more glittery bits still on the shirt, just waiting to jump onto my skin and adhere themselves. It's hopeless. The best I could do was keep my jacket on as long as possible...which was right up until they began to play the electric slide. Just so you know, I consider my self a "good sport" when it comes to weddings. I hate the electric slide. I hate the YMCA. I hate the country line dances and the hokey pokey. I even hate the twist. I just want to boogy-down free style to Dancin' Queen and Stayin' Alive and Thriller. But I do the pre-packaged dances, because they are what gets the wallflowers dancing but they aren't gonna be the first one out there. So, I am a lifelong volunteer in the "I'll be first so you don't have to be" Wedding Dancer Volunteer Program. You know my client type, right? The really quiet girl wearing her Christmas dance dress from 1993 and beige pantyhose who is just sitting there dying for that opener "It's electric!" The electric slide turns wallflowers into party animals...they just need a little encouragement. And that my friends is why you will see me in the front row of the electric slide at every wedding. And hopefully next time I won't be covered in black glitter. As the Travis and I slow danced to Stand By Me, he picked glitter off my face. What a guy.
We had an interesting drive back to Detroit, including a creepy rest stop, where Travis changed his clothes in the parking lot. (I think he was too creeped out to go inside.) And another more commercial rest stop where everything was closed except for Burger King. So, instead of lattes, we got chicken tenders. It rained and it was so windy and cold I nearly blew away when I was pumping gas and Travis was getting us drinks.
We stayed at Matt and bevs, Saturday and sunday nights. Sunday, we went to a surprise birthday party for a woman who neither Travis nor I have ever met and who had a C-section like a few days ago. Have any of you been to a surprise party for someone you don't know? Awkward!!!
Surprise! Hi, my name is Jessi, it's so nice to meet you.
Blech! But they were nice people and we ate some pizza and got to try Pepsi Holiday Spice which is not worth trying so don't waste your time. And we got to see a brand new baby that just looked like a blob of skin with hair on it. Babies are weird-looking. They're cute after a few weeks, but when they're first born, they look like overwhelmed, red, shivering bundles of wrinkly skin. I just realized that the babies parents were black and the baby did not look black at all. Perhaps they got the wrong one...but you'd think they'd notice....
Anyway, I had a fabulous trip and am heading back to Detroit in a few hours. It is snowing here. Almost. Time to do laundry!
