2:01 a.m. - 2004-07-03
be vigilant
In the tradition of Lemony Snicket, whose first book in the series of unfortunate events I just started and completed tonight, I will offer a warning. This blog entry is neither lighthearted nor patriotic in the traditional sense. If you want something along those lines, just check out your local news station or something. Ba-dum-ching.
Is everyone doing their part to "be vigilant" on this holiday, deemed a potential time for the next terrorist attack? I'm not trying to make light of this situation. We are probably going to get attacked by terrorists again, and lots of fine people will probably be killed. This is sad and bad and probably our president's fault. Who has seen Farenheit 9/11? I am seeing it on July 4th as a mildly political statement. I know, Michael Moore is less than objective...but you can't argue with a lot of what the man asserts. Or you could...but you'd be wrong.
Anyway, what I was going to comment on...and which I felt I should ahve at least a slightly sensitive pre-amble to...again, I do think we will probably get attacked by terrorists again, and it will be a terrible thing, and I am praying right now that this does not happen. OK...on to the unduly lengthy observation on a small news item.
One of the guidelines listed in being vigilant, along with keeping a watchful eye out for people walking around with wires sticking out of their clothes and people who are sweating profusely and mumbling prayers...yes, these are real, too...is the suggestion that we all keep an eye out for people who appear unusually calm. I nearly spit out my gatorade when I read that one...yes, I know some of you don't like gatorade and have pointed out that it tastes a little bit like sweat, which it does, but I like it anyway, and we all know what happens whenI get dehydrated, or at least we all know what happens when KELLY gets dehydrated and we don't want that happening to me, now do we? Can you say emergency room and saline solution and needle. EW and EW. OK, so we're supposed to be looking out for people who appear unusually calm. Does this strike anyone else as hilarious. Yes, I know, they are trying to paint all of the possible picures of a wanna-be terrorist...they don't want any of the eventual witnesses saying "Well, I was TOLD to watch out for people sweating and mumbling arabic prayers, and this guy was sitting there practically comatose...no one even MENTIONED that as a sign of immenent death and distruction." So, now, the FBI dudes and Homeland Security folk are covered. They told us so.
I wonder if there are people whose job it is to "patrol" web logs looking for coded terrorist activity. Can you imagine...hey, somebody is probably keeping tabs on me! Hello Private/Officer Whoever. Thanks for looking for people who want to hurt us. Sorry our president keeps making more people hate us...but I guess that gives you job security, so I guess that's good...or whatever. Anyway...is this unpatriotic? I don't want to be so cynical and negative that I appear to hate the home of the free and the brave or anything.
OK. I know, this is getting boring and lame. I'm sorry. Don't worry, I'm probably going to be arrested any minute for some sort of treason crime, and then carted off to Guantonomo to sit there for a few years until my trial. Please send me lemons for my iced tea and some clean underwear. This will be great...I'll actually have something to write a book about, then. Seriously, don't worry about me...I'm not afraid of german sheppards or oh wait, I am afraid of being naked in public....on second thought, I'll shut up and put myself back in my speak-no-evil box.
If you're a first time reader, I promise, it's not usually this annoying.
