11:43 p.m. - 2004-02-09
blah blah blah
Here is something I am noticing.
Anxiety and stress (the real kind, not the kind that comes when you realize your video rental is a day late) leads me to self-centeredness, disraction, lack of self-control, and the false belief that I am no longer responsible to give grace, or administer love.....suffering is tough, partly because it makes us believe we are allowed to ignore everything else. The fact is that probably most of us are suffering in some sort of way most of the time...such is life. So, we all, or rather those who are like me in this way, which I suspect is more than just me, turn our attention and focus inward, while increasing our expectations of others to treat us like we are the center of the universe. But since everyone has their own family problems, financial concerns, addictions, disappointments, unsatisfied hearts, they can't give us what we want...so we become resentful and distrustful of others willingness to meet our needs. Yet, to the other extreme, and probably due to the above statements, I have this tendency to ignore my issues and try to fix everyone else's, thereby giving me purpose and meaning. Also unhealthy. There must be a balance somewhere, involving extreme honesty and real humility. But I don't know quite what that looks like.
